Three Steps Away From Your Heart
by Ganki
Summary: 913 ObiWan can only hope for his masters’ love and acceptance but has yet to earn it he believes. Now faced with choices he must lean to accept he will never be loved by his master, or will he? However if that ever happens, will Obiwan still love him? r
1. Company with Chilled Tears

Three Steps Away From Your Heart   
  
Author: Ganki yep I'm back   
  
Rating: PG for no probably PG-13 in later chapters, don't know yet.   
  
Warnings: Obi Angst Woo-Who!   
  
Summary: Obi-Wan can only hope for his masters' love and acceptance but has yet to earn it he believes. Now faced with choices he must lean to accept he will never be loved by his master, or will he? However if that ever happen will Obi-wan still love him?   
  
Notes: Happy Reading! -  
  
Prologue:   
  
I have been sitting on the edge of the balcony for a few minutes, maybe even a few hours. Watching as the rain washes away the sins of the day. The city, no the planet, is ever moving. Not allowing it's movements to be stopped by the water that is falling. I enjoy feeling the steady rhythm of water fall on me; it gives me something to take my mind of everything. I don't have to think about anything except the rain.   
  
Once again I allow myself to look into the living space that connects to this balcony. I'm waiting for him to come home but he won't. I have something everyone must have but losses after awhile, hope. I do have feelings despite what most people think of Jedi we are still human, or some type of species.   
  
I don't know why I actually expect him to come home today, why should he? He has nothing important left here for him. Some would try to fight that statement. They would say he has me but I would laugh at that. Oh how I wish he actually thought of me as something important but no I'm only meant to stand three steps behind him, never next to him.   
  
I glance at the time and I realize it had been hours since I had first come out here to enjoy the rain out here. I may get sick but would that matter? Would he realize me if I was sick maybe even find me a place in his heart, nope. I uncurl my legs from under me and slip of the balcony's edge making my way towards the living room. I make my way to my room while I slip out of my clothes, which have now left a path of water from where I came in, to where I now stand.   
  
Once in dry clothes I start to walk towards my bed in the corner of the room across from the window. I allow myself to plop down onto the hard but in a weird way comfortable mattress. Glancing around my room my eyes fall upon the area where my awards that I had won around the temple in classes and small tournaments. It's a small amount, not all that many. However my friends would laugh at me if I said that. They think I have won everything and anything, the perfect padawan. It must not have been enough though to get him to notice me. I don't like it but the key thing is that I don't like the situation not him.   
  
I don't think I could ever not like him even though that is another thing to get my friends to laugh. I have been making them laugh a lot, haven't I? I'll tell them that he saved me and if weren't for him I probably would have become a farmer instead of a Jedi. I will always be grateful for that but I'm selfish I want more. I just don't want to be forever grateful to him I want to be accepted and maybe if I'm lucky enough, loved.   
  
I begin to fall asleep till I heard then an annoying ring, I decided to ignore it. By its second ring I realized what it was, the door. I hop out of bed running to the door I open it. Dying for it to be him, for him to be home and actually greet me with a hug, okay a little too big of a wish but for him to be home would be enough for me. However it wasn't him on the other side of the doorway it was one of my friends, Garen.   
  
"Hey I thought you were coming with us to night, we missed you."   
  
Damn! I was supposed to go out with my friends at one of the clubs that we like but I forgot, again. I told him sorry I forgot and anyways if he had come home while I was out I wouldn't have been happy. He wouldn't have cared if I was actually gone, he probably wouldn't even notice.   
  
He sighed at my answer telling me that I shouldn't dwell on any of it. He was just some jerk and I was better then him and always would be. After six years of this he would have thought I would just learn to not care and live my own life. I agree because I always do, it usually shuts him up but tonight it doesn't work. He keeps going however his words have fallen upon deaf ears. I believe he finally realizes this and sighs once again.   
  
He then smiles at me and I do the same we give each other a quick hug that best 'male' friends would give. You know those hugs where you hug and then try to beat the living day light out of the other persons back. I know what he says is true and it makes sense however like I said I will never dislike him but I will dislike the situation.   
  
Again I have been forced to think which only gives me a headache one that won't allow me to get to sleep right away. So I poor some water and walk aimlessly around the living room finally finding a destination I again walk towards the couch. I don't remember ever actually getting to it but I know I did. I was asleep a second before I hit it.   
  
The next mourning I wake up I have no class till the afternoon because I had only recently got back, recently meaning yesterday at around this time. I make my way toward the kitchen and see a dirty cup that was once filled with java juice occupying the sink. It then hits me he came home last night and I was asleep, go me. I reach out with the force anxious to feel his presence and I do but it's the presence of last night. He has left already but I do feel him he is in the temple.   
  
He's home but probably not for long. My master is home, Qui-Gon is home.   
  
Yep I am alive and I actually sat my lazy but down and began to right a new fic. Hope you guys like it and if you do show it by reviewing. You get a cookie if you do - Sorry again for my disappearance to many things happened in a year to even tell you but trust me I had a one damn good answer to my away time but I'm back hopefully to stay for awhile!   
  
Oh yeah, any questions because it may be a lil' bit confusing but trust me it will evolve. There is a plot and all isn't Obi being all angsty but there will be a lot of angst. I just wanted to give you guys a look inside of his mind before we get this baby going.   
  
ganki 


	2. The Truth Behind Wishes

Three Steps Away From Your Heart 

Author: Ganki

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Obi angst (don't we all just love it) Also weird themes in parts sort of demented. Basically I will sum up the warnings as: my mind.

Summary: Obi-Wan can only hope for his masters' love and acceptance but has yet to earn it he believes. Now faced with choices he must lean to accept he will never be loved by his master, or will he? However if that ever happen will Obi-wan still love him?

Notes: I hope you enjoy. Happy reading! (Hopefully I didn't shock you guys away with a new chapter)

Chapter One

The Truth Behind Wishes

I know he ignores me, but I deserve it. I'm not good enough for him; anyone can see this. My friends lie to me about it, but I can see that they lie to make me feel better. They care about me even though I haven't learned why. I'm chilled this morning which is not surprising in the least. I'll choose to ignore it won't hinder me. I shouldn't have sat outside in the rain, my fault.

Another imperfection of Obi-Wan Kenobi.

I begin my normal routine which begins with making the mourning meal. I always make enough for two and set one of the plates off for later. It's for him even though I realize that he hardly ever touches what I make. It normally ends up as dinner for me or in the disposal. I don't mind though just because I know it helps him ounce in a while. It's worth those few times that I can make him happy.

I begin to get dressed and head out for mourning training. I normally train with anyone I can learn from. Qui-Gon being as busy as he is doesn't have the time for guidance within the lower level katas. Making my way into the smaller training rooms, the ones knights normally train in when they wanted the peace of small if any groups. I greet the few knights that I see on my arrival and begin warming-up before the true work begins. After that process is done I shift right into my katas beginning, finishing, and then going on to the next.

I don't realize the eyes on me, another mistake, until I hear a tap of a grimmer stick.

"Practice make perfect it does, but too much can injury the soul and body it will." It's impossible to not recognize his voice, but even more than his voice is his apparent signature in the force.

"Master Yoda" a greeting for a greeting. I bow in reception to his entrance, however still the question lingers of why he is visiting such a remote training quarter at such an early time.

"A master missing I see." The look he gives me is inquisitive, but I can sense a bit of resentment. He too enjoys trying to catch my Master in wrong, but I don't see why. Master doesn't do wrong.

"Yes master. He was busy this morning." A true answer even though I don't know the answer to what he was busy with. It makes no difference to me he always has his reasons, and I trust them.

"Busy he is but with what young one" Sweet irony and how it always amuses me. The force has a sense of humor and a sick one at that. I dare not say that aloud.

"Something dealing with the Council if I believe right." Not a lie and it has a high probability of being true. I believe it so where is the lie in saying it? I hear a chuckle from the older master the stands in front of me. Be it good or bad is what I don't know. An amused Yoda is at many times not a good sign.

"An answer you have, hm? A good one it is." His eyes still shine with a sense of juvenile fun even though I know he is far from being a juvenile. "Continue young one you may. Watch I shall, need support you do."

It's not the first time he has done this. I have long overcome my fear of messing up in Master Yodas eyes. I have become comfortable with his eyes in me because I know he will not judge me any different. He is only there to help me not hurt me.

Ounce again I begin where I left off. I allow myself to open up to the force; there are no barriers between us. It's warm and refreshing feeling it wrap itself around me. This is the only place I feel I truly belong, with the force. Something feels a little different today I don't know what, but I can ignore it no problem. It doesn't feel like anything all that prominent. A place it into a corner of my mind where I can feel it twitching, but it has shrank considerably.

It's all just going through the motions. All I need is for the force to guide me and there will be no problem.

No problem…

The force begins to get thicken around me. It's a little different from what I'm used to. I don't doubt it because I know the force will guide me. I have long ago blocked out the signatures of the people around me, all but one. It doesn't bother me; it only acts like an anchor to my work out. I have been told I have a problem getting lost in my workouts.

I felt the perspiration role down my back. It cools everything that it touches in its path. Refreshing and tiring all at ounce, but it hardly mattered. It was getting hotter, and nothing was going to change it. I can feel my muscles begin to tighten from over usage. I don't know how long I have been going. It's been a few katas, but not enough to warrant this feeling.

The force began to suffocate my senses, and make the pain disappear. I never liked it when it hurt. I am only human. I don't like it when the light goes away. I like the light because it keeps me company. I'm alone when it leaves me.

It's raining again, but there are no clouds to cause them. I like the rain. It's cold.

It's all dark now and I'm alone. I shouldn't be.

Master…

I know weird…but first off I actually updated. I was going to leave it as a one shot but I've realized that you guys didn't want me to. Oh and good news! I have started the third chapter already. It will be longer and the plot will begin to role.

Please tell me what you think because you guys are me creative fuel. YOU make me write.

Thanks! hugs to all Hope you liked. -


	3. Burning Droplets of Gold

Three Steps Away From Your Heart

Author: Ganki

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Obi angst (don't we all just love it) It is getting even weirder…

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars I only use the characters as my own creative play toys

Summary: Obi-Wan can only hope for his masters' love and acceptance but has yet to earn it he believes. Now faced with choices he must lean to accept he will never be loved by his master, or will he? However if that ever happen will Obi-wan still love him?  
Notes: --READ--this chapter is disturbing and contains ADULT THEMES. If you can't deal with morbid thoughts please don't read. You have been warned! Oh and I do have applet so don't worry because it will appear more into this once it gets going a little more! Questions will be finally answered, or a few more in the next chapter.

Enjoy! Happy Reading -

Obi-Wan POV

Chapter 2

Burning Droplets of Gold

The darkness surrounded me it was cold, but peaceful at times as well. Small droplets of sparkling golden liquid splashed around, this being the only form of light in the area. It didn't reach out into the abyss of darkness, but it circled around illuminating the area around me. The twinkling light dropped into the liquid ground and burned out ounce it hit. The rings of water spread out around me never touching me. It was a disturbing sight, but beautiful none the less.

Dipping my hands into the water I allow them to trail a line across it. The water splits while I draw swirls that wash away with the waves I form. The water is frigid as it passes around my skin leaving goose bumps on my arms.

I've never been here before, but I would like to come here more often wherever here is. I like the coolness that surrounds m, so different from the suffocating heat that I normally feel. It's peaceful. I reach my hand out and I attempt to grasp the golden droplets, but sadly I fail many times. After many pitiful attempts my hand final catch one, it's warmer then I thought.

It burns away at my skin, yet still I watch morbidly as my hand reddens and blisters. It felt nice knowing my hands wore being worn away. Too much blood on these palms, the filth and stench of blood cling to my palms never leaving and always reminding me. It reminds me of my faults, my mistakes, and my imperfections. I soon tare my eyes away from the seen playing out on my hand. Something was different, but what.

The scenery around me begins to change. I can't see it, but I can feel it because the air is becoming humid and warm. I wanted to cling to the darkness, but I found it escaping from my hold. My comfort was gone; I was scarred.

The scene that was now placed around me was disturbing to say the least. The place seemed oddly familiar not by its looks but by its feel. The flames danced before my eyes teasing away at the bodies that were scattered around. Shots of lasers were heard in the dead breeze, an echo of what has come. The crisp smell of burnt flesh flirted with my nostrils causing me to gag. It was a picture of devastation that felt so much at home that it scarred me.

What was this?

I began to explore the devastated battleground dodging the falling sparks the scattered like feathers of an angel of death. My breathing was kept to a minimum in hopes to prevent the retched smell from reaching my senses. I soon realize from what I've seen that these are just children scattered ruthlessly about the floor which disturbs me to an even higher level. Why would someone do this however, why would something do this. What would one gain from the slaughter of innocents?

The pain ripped through my chest and the graveyard became a livid battlefield. Swarms of people running about around me; no one was even paying attention to me. Calls of false courage swam in the air, but I ignored it. I was invisible, and I knew all I could do was watch.

People were looking to the sky with dead eyes calling out to the force to take them. It was miserably and tragic knowing these beings wanted to die. Warm salty liquid made a trail down my face. It was the only thing I could feel around me. I was numb to the world; I didn't want to be. I want to help, let me help. I couldn't, I was failing again.

Walls of fire power swam past me aiming at anyone and anything. Defense was attempted, but it wasn't working people were dying around me helplessly. Denial played in the eyes of the children as the attempted to block the attacks. So young these children were; it was so sad what they were forced into seeing.

Lightsabers were ignited illuminating and giving light to the war zone. Older children trying to shove the younglings behind them as the attempted pitifully to shield them; it was too much though to fight against, too powerful. It was futile.

Screams of devastation were heard in the distance, and I soon realize that this is only a small part of the fight. Explosions racked the earth leaving dust to cover the air, thickening the clouds that fell upon the battlefield.

Then it all became a blur as pain once again ripped through me. Glancing down I see blood seeping through my uniform. Shocked I began to feel faint. I was going to die. I don't want to die. So much blood I couldn't possibly survive this. I become numb as I feel the world swish by me. Falling, I'm falling again.

I splash into the frigid black water the covers the ground now. I'm drowning, or so I thought. I can't breathe but it doesn't hurt. I'm numb again. The sounds are gone, the screams only an echo in my mind. A reminder of what I've seen; a warning that I can't forget; I will never be able to forget.

I could see the golden droplets above me sparkling in the water. Oozing through the pores of the upper level and disappearing. However they never truly disappeared because they were only transforming into a melting red liquid. It reached down to were I was and warmed my skin when it passed by. I felt thicker then water. What is it? Then I realized what it was. Screaming at my realization the water enters my lungs filling them with freezing liquid. Chocking and gasping I awake into the light once more.

TBC

So…what did you all think? First off I didn't take to long to update! YAY! Don't worry I have a plot in here some where. You will probably get more answers in the next chapter. (Have the outline of the next chapter done)

Please tell me what you thought (poke poke) You guys are the people who fuel my writing and my creativity so fill me up! oh the bad puns…

Till next time! huggles


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